I had been, have been feeling cranky, and angry lately, even to the point of not wanting to try anymore. Feeling rejection by the people closest to me, I just wanted to run or fade away.
That’s when God whispered to me “It’s your wedding day.”
That got my attention, even though God was mistaken. “It’s April, and I was married in June”, I told him.
But God tenderly repeated to me, “it’s your wedding day.”
Then he reminded me of something that happened over 50 years ago, on my actual wedding day, June 29, 1974.
I had started out the day wearing a comfortable flannel shirt and jeans as I drove up to the hair salon in Ocean Gate, NJ that morning. My hairdresser took her time arranging my hair in a simple pageboy style that would frame my face under the white, lace-embellished hat I would be wearing in the wedding ceremony.
After I left the salon I stopped at the grocery store. At the register I ended up interacting with an elderly man in the line who somehow mistook me for a guy, addressing me as “young man”. I did not correct him, just paid for my groceries and fled the store feeling rather ashamed.
Here it was my wedding day, the day I was supposed to feel special, beautiful, desirable, but instead I walked out of the grocery store in shame. Instead of being seen as a beautiful bride, I was perceived as a guy by this man I encountered. Yes, I was wearing shapeless clothing, a baggy flannel shirt over well worn jeans, but gee whiz, I had just come out of the hair salon with this pageboy style that framed my face. What was wrong with me? How homely was my face? How harsh were my mannerisms that I was mistaken for a man?
I went home, joined my sister and friends preparing for the wedding, but didn’t tell anyone about my shameful encounter at the store. I didn’t want to think about it, much less talk about it.
Fast forward 53 years. I still didn’t want to think about that awful event.
I prayed “God, why are you bringing up this memory now? I don’t recall if I ever shared my painful encounter with anyone before, just pushed it out of my mind for over 50 years. What possible good can be gained from thinking about it now, when I’m already cranky and angry and ready to throw in the towel?”
Then Father God reminded me of how wonderful my wedding day turned out to be.
And yes, it was wonderful. The sun came out after a week of rain so we could be married in our outdoor venue, our “plan A”. And not once during my wedding and reception and the honeymoon that followed did I think about that awful encounter in the A&P with that man.
“What changed?” God asked me.
“When I walked down the aisle at the Ocean County Park and saw my Jimmy standing there eyes on me and me alone, I forgot the shame.”
“That’s strange.” God said.
“Why, God,” I asked.
“Do you remember Taffy Tucker back in 1974? God continued. “Do you remember how insecure you were back then at 20 years old? You were always second guessing every decision you made, always put yourself down, never believed you were special or valuable. Jimmy had to continually remind you during the years of your courtship that you were worth loving and it wasn’t just a mistake that he fell in love with you, somehow being deceived into thinking you were worth his love and affection.”
“Yes,” I admitted to God. “That’s a pretty accurate assessment of my self worth at that stage of my life. I remember.”
“So what happened that allowed you to drop the shame and enjoy your wedding day?”
“When I looked down the aisle and locked eyes with Jimmy, I forgot the shame. I felt loved, beautiful and desirable whenever I caught Jimmy’s gaze on me, and his eyes were on me all day long. Every kiss we shared was electric, and we found ourselves staring into each other’s eyes many, many times throughout the day.
God smiled, remembering with me the events of that beautiful day.
Then he continued. “Knowing who you were and your insecurity at that time, why do you suppose that man mistaking you for a guy and not a woman on your wedding day didn’t just destroy you and ruin your day?”
I pondered his question for a minute.
“I guess I felt so loved by Jimmy. His eyes were constantly focused on me, from the second he saw me coming down the grassy aisle and continuing through the ceremony, the photos, the reception. He kept telling me he loved me, stealing kisses even when the glasses weren’t being clinked by the wedding guests. And I just felt so beautiful, so loved, so desired by this man who could have chosen any other young girl as his bride, but somehow had consciously chosen me – that value he placed on me eclipsed the unfortunate encounter in the grocery store.”
As I considered what Father God was reminding me about, I marveled. I remembered vividly how negative I was at that time when it came to my value. To think that I encountered a man in the morning who challenged my very identity as a woman, yet the amazing display of love and affection I encountered in the afternoon dispelled my doubts as to my value, such that my memories of my wedding were truly positive.
“That’s the power of being loved,” God said. “The truth of the unabashed love of your Jimmy drove away the doubts, leaving you feeling beautiful, loved, and desired.”
“So, Taffy. I want to tell you this. Today, while you’re feeling cranky and angry and ready to give up, I want to tell you this: it’s your wedding day.”
I was speechless, beginning to grasp what he was telling me.
And as the week went on and I was tempted many times over to doubt myself, my value, my “raison d’etre”, to compare myself with the people around me and decide I still don’t measure up, God kept whispering that same phrase.
“It’s your wedding day.”
“Today I choose you above any other person, any other woman on the planet. Today I pledge myself to love and cherish you. I see you, I know you, and I choose you this day, every day. It’s always your wedding day. Now go ahead and enjoy this day and every day to come, knowing the truth of who you are to me. No one, not even a near-sighted old man, can steal that away from you. Just keep your eyes on me. Just one glance of your eyes, my bride, ravishes my heart. I chose you and every day I choose you still.”
So for you, reading this little account, I tell you this, “It’s your wedding day.” I don’t care if you’re married, single, divorced, widowed, in or out of a relationship. Today, the God of all the earth chooses you, out of all women, to be in covenant with him, to love and cherish for all eternity..
Listen to what he says to you, Listen with your heart.
“It’s
your wedding day! Today my eyes of love are fixed on you, and just
one glance of your eyes ravishes my heart, my darling, my bride.
Believe me, receive my love and affection, and live in the joy that
no one can steal from you, knowing that I chose, and still choose you
to belong to me.”
“Since
you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I
will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your
life.” Isaiah
43:4
“The LORD your God is among you; He is mighty to save. He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you with His love; He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
“The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with loving devotion.” Jeremiah 31:3
“He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also, along with Him, freely give us all things?” Romans 8:32
“You have ravished my heart, my sister, my bride; you have ravished my heart with one glance of your eyes.” Song of Songs 4:9
