Disarmed and Dangerous.

God just did some amazing things in my family, and totally blew me away.  I was left feeling disarmed before God.  Which means that prior to this week, I was armed before God.  Let me explain.

Did you ever want something really bad, but you were afraid to ask for it, much less to hope for it?  It’s like you were holding yourself back from really going all out for what your heart was craving, because you just knew you’d never have it.  It’s like arming yourself against disappointment.

Sometimes I arm myself against disappointment, even in my prayers.  I may pray the religiously acceptable way of “Your will be done”.  That, after all, is a biblical way to pray, right? Jesus himself prayed that way in the Garden of Gethsemane.  But sometimes, if I look deep into my own heart I find that I am praying that way because I am believing lies that trap me more often than I care to admit.  “Heal that person, if it be your will,” I pray, when I am too fearful to ask for total healing based on God's word that says “By his stripes (on the cross) we are healed.”  I know he can heal, but seem to waiver on whether he wants to or not.  Such capriciousness is not what a good God looks like.  So I realize I am acting on the belief that God is not good, or that he doesn’t care, which means he doesn’t really love me. 

So when God did some major healing work in my family recently, I found myself dropping my defenses before him.  I realized that when he does things his way, the results are astounding.  I realized that I had no reason to hold myself back in safe praying, safe living anymore.  I could trust this amazing God to do what I never imagined would happen.  And do it without any help from me! 

I want to be the trusting child who comes before her daddy, asks for big things and trusts him to do big things.  He has shown me who he is, and now asks me to trust him for tomorrow, and the weeks to come.