Dad's Birthday

 

July 18, 2022

 

Today is my dad’s birthday.  He’s been gone a long time now, but his birthday pops up and reminds me of him.

My Dad was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, but he left that “church” sometime in his early adult years, as it didn’t match his lifestyle.

When my sister, brother and I met Jesus in 1966, we all began to pray for my Mom, and my Dad, now divorced, that they would come to Jesus, too.  My Mom came gloriously to Jesus shortly before she died through some neighbors on the street where my brother lived.  The fact that those God-loving ladies lived there, before my Mom flew out to CA to live with my brother, was truly a gift from God.

One morning, years after my Dad had died, I was praying.  I don’t remember the subject of my prayers, but as I got up to leave my prayer room and get ready for work I felt Father God whisper to me, “You know your Dad is with me?”

Well, no, I didn’t know that.  Didn’t know if he had ever actually connected with Jesus before we found him on the bathroom floor that night.  We had shared about Jesus with Dad many times, but he’d never responded in such a way that I knew he had met Jesus on his own.

There had been some indications that God was drawing Dad near, like when Dad was asked his religion during a hospital interview, and he told the nurse “Christian”.

So one night at House of Prayer I was sharing these things with my prayer group and my friend, Joe, who has a real heart for people who are Jehovah’s Witnesses told me that a Jehovah’s Witness will never, ever say “Christian”, when asked what religion they adhere to.

When I heard what Joe shared, a joy filled my heart.  It’s true!  What I heard from Father God is true!  And I looked toward heaven and told Father God, “So he’s really there with you, isn’t he?”

 “Believe on the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.” ..Acts 16:31

Always Praying for my Triumph!

 

“Who then is left to condemn us? Certainly not Jesus, the Anointed One! For he gave his life for us, and even more than that, he has conquered death and is now risen, exalted, and enthroned by God at his right hand. So how could he possibly condemn us since he is continually praying for our triumph?” Romans 8:34 TPT

It seemed to me that it happened so suddenly.  One day my daughter was a loving, happy kid, and the next day a moody, rebellious teenager.  I talk about it as the day the aliens came and took her away and left someone else in her place.  And all her troubles were, of course, my fault.

I remember her standing on the stairs, screaming at me, “I hate you!”

Gone was the sweet, creative little girl making me valentines and hand-made gifts.  Without any warning, standing in front of me was this young women who hated me.  So caught up in her whirling hormones, disappointments and the lies she was believing, she forgot that I had always been her biggest cheerleader, that I was for her, not against her.

Shocked and wondering what I had done to upset her so much, I went to her and said “Look at me! Remember me? It’s me, Mom.  I’m your biggest fan!  I’m not the enemy. It’s me! I’m in your corner, routing for you.”

That’s when Daddy reminded me, you do that to me sometimes.

You get angry with me and in your heart you blame me for the disappointments and hard times.  As if I caused the cancer in your family, or it was me instigating the divorces.

You forget who I am, and I have to gently turn your face toward me, wave my hand in front of your non-seeing eyes and tell you, Hello, Taffy, look at me!  It’s me, Daddy, the one who loves you.  I’m always in your corner, I’m your biggest fan, your greatest cheerleader.  Remember me?

Then I wake up, and shake myself out of the fog I’m in. Oh, it’s you?

Yes, it’s me!

It’s you, Daddy?  And you still love me? And you still promise to work all this garbage out for my good?  OK, then, I will lock eyes with you once again, put my hand in yours, climb up on your lap. Choose to trust you again.

Because it’s you!  The One who gave up everything for me, just to be my Daddy.  My biggest encourager, my biggest fan.

How could I blame you – you’re so good. I just had my eyes closed so tight in fear and anger that I wasn’t looking at you and forgot who you are. That you are the one who doesn’t condemn me – even when I condemn myself, and is continually praying for my triumph.

And the beautiful thing is that in returning, there is no shame.  He reminds me that there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.  Daddy never holds my mistakes over me.  We just start over from wherever we left off.

Keep your eyes on me, he says. Remember that those who look to me are radiant; they will never be put to shame. (Psalm 34:5)

Skipping thru the Psalms with Daddy: Psalm 139

 

Reading Psalm 139 this morning.  It’s all about Father God knowing me.

Sometimes it’s uncomfortable to be known. Like when I visited a church while running away from another church about 20 years ago.  I’d been hurt and wasn’t ready to be known or recognized.  I sat in the back, enjoying the amazing worship they had to offer, ready to make a quick getaway at the end of the service. 

But Daddy, it’s different to be known by you.  “You are intimately aware of me, Lord.  You read my heart like an open book…” Ps. 139:3

You know me so well that you never give me the wrong gifts.  You know me, what I like, my brand of gum, v-neck shirts, wisps of pink clouds as the sun wakes up in the morning, acorns on my morning walk, the first bloom on my dogwood tree.  Heart whispers that remind me that you see me.

Ps. 139:5 “You’ve gone into my future to prepare the way, and in kindness you follow behind me to spare me from the harm of my past.  With your hand of love upon my life, you impart a blessing to me.”

The future can be a scary place, not knowing what’s around the next bend. Retirement, health issues, and more in the land of “what ifs”.  But you tell me that you are running ahead of me, scouting out what’s to come.  Nothing takes you by surprise – you see it coming and get me ready to navigate whatever is coming, hand in hand with my Dad.

You go ahead of me, and you follow behind me, too, to pick up all the lost pieces of me along the way.

Not every touch is comforting.  Not every hand laid on me is welcome.  But your hand of love on me is warm, comforting, - please don’t ever take your hand off of me, Daddy!  Your touch is sometimes very light, like butterfly kisses.  Sometimes firm like snatching me out of harm’s way when I fell in the street back in Iselin, NJ as a child.

Sometimes I say “where are you, God?” like when Chris was dying, and when I got the call that Melody had passed away on her balcony one winter night… But you promise that “your presence is everywhere, bringing light into my night.  There’s no such thing as darkness to you.”

You never say “I’m in the dark on that one!”, for “the night to you is as bright as the day.  There’s no difference to you.”

I need night vision goggles, or I need to hold tight to your hand for you see right through the darkness.  It’s as light to you.

You recorded in your book the number and substance of my days before my life began.  And you will write the book in my heart alongside me when the time is right.  “Kisses from the Father” will be shared with the family of God, a glimpse into the intimacy between you and me, to draw in those hungry for a Father’s touch.

Ps. 139:17  “Every single moment you are thinking of me!

Listen, Daddy says: You’re never forgotten, never overlooked by the God of the universe, so don’t sweat the small stuff, not being recognized or invited to speak or share your heart.  Just look to me and see I am delighted with you on all counts.  Ps. 139:18 “O God, your desires toward me are more than the grains of sand on every shore!”

“When I awake each morning, you’re still with me!” Ps. 139:18 

Pinch me!  I didn’t just dream about it - when I wake up you’re still singing over me the song I heard as I fell asleep.  It’s real! It’s true!  And I get to spread wide my heart and show others that you want to be their Daddy, too!

Like Jim Elliott once said, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to gain that which he cannot lose.”

 Knowing you, being known by you, is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I don’t know why you picked me to belong to you, but I’m yours for life.  No one knows me, or loves me like you. 

Here I am, your little daughter, “Delighted in You”!

Welcome Home!

 

“Loving me empowers you to obey my word.” John 14:23

That’s great!  If I’m struggling to follow you, I just need to snuggle up to you and let your love empower me.

But that’s not all!  “And my Father will love you so deeply that we will come to you and make you our dwelling place.”

Me, your home?!?  You want to move in, not just visit on my good days? The God of the Universe comes into my living room, kicks off his shoes and sits with me in my recliner. And lets me know he’s not going anywhere.  And Jesus, too:  “We will come…”

But what about Holy Spirit?  Will Holy Spirit come, too?

Oh yes.  “But when the Father sends the Spirit of Holiness, the One like me who sets you free, he will teach you….and inspire you to remember every word I’ve told you.”

Only one thing I can say, “Welcome home!”

No Regrets

 

I was driving with a friend a few weeks ago, chatting about heaven, and her brother and sister, who are there.

She asked me, “Don’t you think people feel regret in heaven for what they did on the earth?”

Later I looked up the meaning of regret: “feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity”; “regret is distress of mind, sorrow for what has been done or failed to be done”.

I was in her house one day witnessing my friend’s sister expressing deep regret over how she had hurt her son. I saw her standing at the top of the stairs, holding her son as he cried, lamenting over what she’d done. “I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!”

Is there that kind of regret in heaven?

God says he will wipe away all tears in heaven. But if we don’t lament in heaven over our poor choices in life, does that mean we lose our memories, don’t remember our failures?

I don’t think Father God does a lobotomy on us when we enter the pearly gates. So remembering our failures must somehow be different there.

1 John 4: 16-18 says “Love never brings fear, for fear is always related to punishment. But love’s perfection drives the fear of punishment from our hearts.”

What’s it like to fail in front of someone who you know loves you and will never stop loving you? What’s it like to view something you did on the earth that was very wrong, standing next to the one who died because of that act?

I think it’s still sad, but remembering with Jesus standing next to you reminding you that your mistakes intentional or otherwise are paid for, in advance, changes everything.

So, where is Jesus right now?

That’s right, he’s right here. Right next to me, seeing everything, knowing what I’ve done, loving me anyway. So then let’s talk about regret here and now, no need to wait for heaven. There’s a new way to deal with regret over real crap we’ve done, or are doing.

God says “Those who look to me are radiant; they will never be put to shame.” Psalm 34:5

This is reality! Dream with me: If shame is off the table, how is everything different?

Mystery

 

Psalm 101: Celebrate God’s Goodness

“His wonders are so delightfully mysterious that they leave all who seek them astonished.” Ps. 101:2

Just read this about mystery in morning in Mornings and Evenings by Bill and Beni Johnson: 

“If our encounters with God don’t leave us with more questions than when we started, then we have had an inferior encounter. A relationship with God that does not stir up that realm of mysterious wonder is an inferior relationship.” (excerpt from January 9)

Sometimes mystery is frustrating, like with my friend who often leaves half of the conversation unspoken, but expects me to know what she’s talking about. How is your mystery different? How is it “delightfully mysterious”?

It’s an invitation to search for more. Some may choose to just stop searching. But that’s not why some things are hidden. The Pharisees just stopped with, “what is he talking about?” But my disciples asked me for the explanation. It’s the glory of God to hide, and the glory of kings to search it out.

“I have given you a gift called mystery. If used correctly this gift will draw you into the depths of me, into encounters with Heaven that surprise you, filling you with awe and wonder. Embrace it!” (Bill Johnson)

But mystery can feel unsafe to me. Like I felt one friend used the secrets I shared with her against me, so I stopped sharing them with her. And with most people. To this day. Sometimes I feel like no one really knows me. I only let them know what I choose to open up about. How’s that for mystery?

But that’s not what I do. My mystery is an invitation: Come deeper!

Proverbs 25:2 “God conceals the revelation of his word in the hiding place of his glory. But the honor of kings is revealed by how thoroughly they search out the deeper meanings of all that God says.”

You bid me walk upon the waters – there I find you in the mystery. (Oceans song) Rest in your embrace, in the mystery, in oceans deep, where feet may fail.

There’s no tension of the unknown expressed in this Psalm. Why? Because “his unforgettable works of surpassing wonder reveal his grace and tender mercy”. Ps.111:6. Oh, it’s you – I recognize you now behind the mystery!

And then, “He satisfies all who love and trust him, and he keeps every promise he makes.” Ps. 111:5

As you told Much Afraid (Hinds Feet on High Places), when you reach the High Places you will love and be loved in return. So it’s safe to abandon myself to you, embrace the mystery, put all my eggs in one basket. For you will keep every promise you’ve ever made to me.

So many things are transient, unreliable. Marriages of 12, 15, 17 years tossed away on a whim. Broken promises explained away as if the explanation makes any sense. “I love you – I’m just not in love with you anymore” – what does that mean anyway?

But not with me. I love you with an everlasting love. See, not a ring on my finger – look, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. I purchased you – you are mine. I’m not like your father. Broken men break their kids. But I’m bigger, better than that. I’m safe, even in the mystery.

Yes, as I sang over you in Israel, come and play with me. Come seek me out, step out when you can’t see the ground. Jump when you can’t see the bottom. I satisfy all who love and trust me. Those who look to me are radiant; they will never be put to shame.

Rainbow: “He keeps every promise he makes.” Ps. 111:5

Ps. 111:9 Your “forever love” paid the full ransom for your kids.

THIS ONE WAS BORN IN ZION!

 

Psalm 87, Fountains of Joy (The Passion Translation)

High upon his hills of holiness stands God’s city.

How God loves the gates of Zion, his favorite place on earth.

So many glorious things have been proclaimed over Zion, God’s holy city!

For the Lord says, “Here are the nations who will acknowledge me as God:

Egypt, Iraq, Palestine, and the Mediterranean people, even distant Ethiopia.

They will all boast, ‘I was born in Zion!’”

But over Zion it will be said, “The mighty Man was born there and he will establish it.”

For the God Most High will truly bless Jerusalem.

And when he counts her citizens, recording them in his registry,

he will write by their name: “This one was born again here!”

And the princes of God’s feasts will sing and dance, singing “Every fountain of

delight springs up from your life within me!”

This one was born in Zion!

I finally found where I belong, my identity, when I met you. For you are Zion.

And the first time I stepped onto the ground in Israel, it was like the Zion in me came home to the Zion where you walked!

Where you are, that is Zion. And I just want to be where you are. I just want to be near your heart.

Legislating from the Throne Room

 

Psalm 91 in The Passion Translation is entitled “Safe and Secure”.

Daddy, I love this Psalm. I love praying it over my kids, my friends, myself. But Daddy, so many things seem unsafe right now. Close friends, family members with covid. A deceived government leader passing ungodly legislation promoting abortion and socialism. Friends leaving the church, moving away, or not.

But you say “When you sit enthroned under the shadow of Shaddai, you are hidden in the strength of God Most High.”

How am I enthroned? Are you telling me that I am exalted, on a throne, in your shadow?

Why would I be on a throne?

“You are ruling with me, looking to me for your every decision, interceding as my heart directs, legislating from the Throne Room. I trust you to legislate in my shadow.”